


Happy Birthday!

by crazy_lion



Category: Demi Lovato - Fandom
Genre: Andrew knows she self harms but she convinced him not to tell, Andrew tries to distract her because it's her birthday, Best Friends, Demi feels an harmony in nature, Demi is anorexic, Demi is bullied but she doesn't tell anyone, Demi self harms, Drabble and a Half, Fear, Friendship, Happy Ending, Nature, Reference to self harm, Silence, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Water, Wind - Freeform, he tries to make her happy, scene of self harm (Demi remembers it), scenes of anorexia, she's scared of bullies, strong bond between them, they go for a walk out of the city, they talk about sad things but not only that, woods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 13:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16097021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazy_lion/pseuds/crazy_lion
Summary: I would have wanted to publish this FanFiction on the 20th of August, but I couldn't make it.***Demi isn't happy about turning twelve. She doesn't understand why, with all the problems she has, she should consider that day so special, like her whole family does. There's only one person who can understand the girl's pain: Andrew, her best friend. He's the one to come and get her to try and have her spend a quiet day. Where is he taking her? What will they do together? Will Demi, despite what she initially thought, be able to say that it was a good birthday?Disclaimer: through this piece of writing, published without any lucrative aim, I have no intention to give a thruthful representation of this person's nature, nor offend her in any way.





	Happy Birthday!

**Happy birthday!**

 

Demi was in bed, but she wasn't sleeping. She hadn't done it that night, except for a couple of hours. It was nothing new, of course. It was usual for her not to rest and stop thinking about how bullies who made fun of her were right. What hurt her the most was what they told her and the fact that it was their fault if she now hated her body, if she had started having eating disorders and cutting herself just to easy the psychological pain for a while at least.

Knowing she would have never gone to sleep, Demi got up snorting, made her bed, opened up the window and went downstairs. She didn't even get dressed. She didn't want to, and she hoped that, at least for that day, she didn't have to act or sing. She was so tired she didn't even remember if she had commitments or not.

_God, I'm awful._

Once she got to the living room, she saw Madison, Dallas and their parents already up. She didn't see Eddie as a real dad, but it didn't matter. _He_ was the one who had raised her, not Patrick.

"Demiiiiii!" Madison exclaimed, running towards her and clutching her legs. "Happy birthday!"

She was two and a half, and she was beautiful.

"Hi baby!"

The girl picked her up and showered her in kisses. It was impossible not to love that little angel.

"I don't know if I should be offended or not" the older sister said. "You're almost not hugging me anymore, Demi."

"Dallas" Eddie retorted, as he sat on the couch reading the newspaper.

"What? What did I say that was so wrong? That's true!" She and I haven't done anything but fight recently."

The girl felt her heart caught in a grip. She wouldn't have been able to count the times she had shouted at Dallas for the most stupid reasons. She had started eating less, weighing herself more and more often whenever nobody could see her, and throwing up as much as she could, without getting caught, of course. That was what she feared the most and it made her really nervous, so she had a tendency to lash out on innocent people.

"I'm sorry, Dal" she whispered, almost failing to find her own voice. "I'm behaving really badly towards you lately."

The other sighed and walked towards her, then smiled.

"Today's a special day, so I forgive you."

With that said, she hugged both her sisters.

"What day would that be?" Demetria asked as soon as the hug was over, while the others looked at her like she came from another planet.

"Madison gave you her wishes, remember? It's your birthday, Demi!" Dianna exclaimed.

"My what? It's the twentieth of August already?"

"Yes."

"Oh, shit."

She hoped no one had heard her, but Madison clearly did, because she burst out laughing.

"Don't tell anyone, okay?" she made her promise, ruffling her hair.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, mum. I just have no idea how I could forget.

"You look tired, lately. Do you sleep at all?

There, now she was starting to worry about her like always during that period. On one hand she was happy about, but on the other she found it annoying, because her mother seemed to always get on her case.

"Yes, don't worry.”

 _Great, you just lied to her_ she thought. _Shame on you. You're not just fat, but ugly, wrong, and a liar._

She tried to push that thought away, hoping for the voices to stay gone at least for a short while.

At breakfast Demi had nothing but a couple of dry and whole biscuits and a little cup of milk, even if she told her mother she had four, so that she wouldn't be worried. She often had breakfast like that, so nobody really thought about it.

"Honey, you don't have anything on your list for a couple of weeks. I thought it was for the best, since you actually need to get some rest.”

"Really, mum? I don't have anything?"

“Right.”

Demi would have wanted to jump for joy. She loved singing even more than acting, but having time for herself was equally important. It would have given her time to write songs, the one thing she loved when she was alone, together with playing the guitar and the piano.

"What do you think of doing for your birthday?” Eddie asked.

"Uhm ... nothing."

"Uh?"

"What do you mean "nothing"?"

"Sweetie, it's your special day, you have to celebrate it in some way."

That's what all her family members told her, one by one, except Madison, who kept quiet and then innocently asked a question.

"Don't you like birthdays?"

She was very young, but she could already speak well.

"I know they're beautiful for you, Maddie, but once you grow up, they're not so awesome anymore. Now please excuse me."

With that said, she went upstairs, closed her bedroom door, got to the bathroom and threw up turning on the water tap so that nobody would have heard her. She had to throw all of those disgusting calories before it was too late. Once she was done, she brushed her teeth and then looked at herself in the mirror. Her belly was always too fat, just like her legs. She went in her parents’ bedroom and she weighed herself.

"Forty-seven pounds?" she murmured. "You'll have to do better than that, you worthless whale."

She got back into her room and started writing. She had been keeping a diary for years. She poured all of the frustration and disgust she felt about herself, then added something about how she didn't understand why so many people considered a birthday such a special day. What was so nice in getting older? Why should the twentieth of August have been different?

 _Same shit, different day_ she wrote.

To her, it was just like that. It wasn't just because of what bullies did to her and the scars they left inside her. It wasn't because of how she saw herself or self-harming either. She felt alone. She didn't have any friends other than Selena and Andrew, a boy who lived near her and who she had known for a very long time. There were six years of difference between the two of them, but that didn't keep them from becoming friends ever since they were kids. She considered him her best friend. Right then, the doorbell rang, and she literally jumped up. She went downstairs to open up the door because there was no one around. Her parents were working, Dallas was studying in the library, and Maddie was at a friend's house. When she looked through the peephole, she saw a boy smiling at her and opened up.

"Andrew!" she exclaimed, happy to see him.

She gave him a genuine smile, one of those she only showed to Madison.

"Happy birthday, Demi" he said.

He had a deep and warm voice that she loved.

Just by looking at him, the girl started giggling.

"What's up?"

Andrew was confused, he couldn't understand the reason behind that hilarity.

"Your jeans are too baggy, and I find that cute, I don't really know why."

His legs seemed to dance around in those trousers when he moved.

“I know, they're my father's. I didn't think about how I was dressing, I just wanted to get to see you."

Demi stopped to observe him. Her friend was perfect: slim, tall, with dark hair and green eyes. He was beautiful, not like her. But she really didn't care about his physical aspect, and she really didn't know why she had dwelled upon it for so long.

"Sorry." Genuinely embarassed, she looked away. "It's just that sometimes I tend to look at people for ... nothing."

It was better to just let it all slide. Anyway, she did that to compare herself to others and always find more flaws, something wrong with her. Luckily, he seemed to pay it no mind.

"I gave you my wishes, anyway" Andrew reminded her.

"Oh, don't start!" she snorted, visibly annoyed. "Thanks" she concluded, sweetening her voice.

She didn't want to get mad at him, much less put up a fight.

"Look." Her friend secured her hands. "I know how you feel about birthdays, you told me that already. You're not obliged to party if you don't want to."

"My parents are going to organize something like every year. Probably we’ll go out for dinner since I don’t want a real party. They don't give a dime what I think.”

"Did you try telling them?"

"Yes, and they looked at me and treated me like I was crazy.”

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk it over again together?"

"No, drop it" she replied, looking sadly at him.

"You have to put your foot down, Demetria. If you don't, they'll never know what you think" he tried to rile her up.

"Maybe they don't want to. Can we change the subject, please?"

Andrew sighed.

"Alright. I plan to kidnap you away all morning long. I already told your parents, don't worry."

"Ah, I don't feel like it” she snorted. “I'm tired."

She just wanted to go back to bed and stay there all day, or anyway, as long as possible.

"You always are because you don't sleep. Besides, I'm not taking "no" for answer. And Dem, I assure you that if you get outside, you'll feel better in no time. I know some days are harder than others to you and not giving up isn't easy, but I would like for you not to think about your problems for a minute."

Andrew didn't know all the reasons behind her suffering, she never told him about them. Anyway, he was the only one who saw through her pain.

The girl sighed.

"I don't want to be ungrateful, Andrew. You were really sweet about coming here and proposing this whole thing, but do I really have to?"

"Yes, and you won't regret that."

It seemed rude to decline, and he was probably right. Maybe she would have felt better going out.

"Okay" she surrended.

"Yes!"

The boy practically jumped up on her and wrapped her up in a hug.

"How should I dress?"

"Grab a tracksuit, trainers, a backpack, a water bottle and something to eat."

Curiosity was getting the best of her. She tried to ask questions to find out where they were going, but her friend didn't answer and was inflexible.

After she got ready and didn't put anything edible in her backpack without her friend noticing, Demi got out of the house with him. They got into his car and drove away. After a while, Andrew stopped at the traffic lights and pulled something out of his jeans pocket, then covered her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm blindfolding you, so you won't see where we're going."

She didn't reply, but thought that sometimes her best friend was really crazy. Despite that, she liked that side of him, especially because Andrew knew how to cheer her and make her feel alive when she felt like dying inside. She told him that, even though he knew because they had talked about it multiple times, and he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Everything will be fine, Demetria" he murmured sweetly. "Believe me."

"I hope that's the case today."

"We'll make sure it is."

They talked about trivial nonsense for the whole ride. The more they travelled, the more Demi listened to the sounds around her, noticing how there were less and less cars in the streets. Maybe they were in the outskirts of town, or maybe they were already out. Curiosity was killing her and she couldn't wait to get that thing off her eyes.

After half an hour, Andrew stopped the car.

"Now it's just a short walk and we'll be there.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Not yet."

"Damn!" she protested, like a fussy little kid.

"You will in a little. Be patient."

He smiled at her and she got that from his voice.

Demi felt insecure, there, standing and not seeing anything but darkness. Even though she was with her best friend, the blackness scared her. Her heart started beating like crazy, and she started lifting her head and moving it left and right, with her hands in front of her. He took her right hand, squeezing it gently. She suddenly relaxed and felt a little better. As they were walking, a car sped by them on the right. It came so close they both could feel the air moving because of the vehicle. Instinctly, they both dove to the left, ending up lying on the path beside them.

"My God, Demi, are you alright?" Andrew asked her, gasping for breath.

The girl didn't answer right away. Being suddenly blindened, everything seemed even scarier to her. She was out of breath for a couple of seconds.

"Yes, but ... what was that?"

 "A car. It came out of nowhere, and the driver just sped by us."

 _My God ..._ Andrew thought. I _f something had happened to her ..._

He would have never forgiven himself, but thankfully, it was nothing. He helped her to her feet. Demi was sweating and pale.

"Do you want some water?"

"Yes. Take mine."

Her voice was shaking because of the fear, and Andrew decided to get the blindfold off of her to make her feel more at ease, then let her sit on a wall near them. Demi got her backpack off her shoulders, but her hands were trembling so much she couldn't even open the zipper, so he helped her.

"There you go."

"T-thanks."

"I'm sorry about what happened, I ..."

"It's not your fault! You couldn't have known that was going to happen."

"Do you want to go home? We can do something there, if it makes you feel safer.”

"Why? Our morning together has just started!" she exclaimed happily, as she regained her colors.

"Fine. Then we'll go when you want to."

After drinking and catching her breath, Demi got up. It was only then that she could look around. They were walking along a graveled street. It was a little cooler than in the city.

After a while, they went deeper into the woods. They were holding hands even now that she could see. They had been doing that since they were kids. That kind of contact was a way to feel closer to each other. They walked almost without a word, basking in the cool air and the silence. They could only hear a few birds singing. All the other animals had probably retired to their dens, frightened by human presence.

"Strawberries!" Demi squealed, when she saw some plants full of them.

She bent down and started picking some along with Andrew, then they put them in a box he had brought for the occasion. They also found blackberries.

"We'll wash and eat them all when we get home" the boy said, his mouth watering.

"Aren't the others going to get any?"

"Yes, I was joking."

"Mmm ... I really don't think so."

"Hey!" Andrew gently slapped her on the arm. "I wasn't so altruistic at your age. I was actually really mean, so much that my parents often told me off.”

They reached another hill, and that's where Andrew spotted some mushrooms. Some where hidden, others plain visible. He taught Demi which were poisonous and which she could pick. They mostly found porcini mushroom, some were small, some were really big, and together with them, they also found honey mushrooms. Andrew's father was an expert, and he had brought his son along with him when he was five years old. Once she was grown up and old enough, his sister Carlie had joined them too. Their mother stayed at home waiting for them to come back, and with the mushroom they picked she would make a delicious soup even Demi loved. In the end, they picked about thirty mushrooms, and were stunned by the fact that nobody had found them before. Usually, people who were passionate about mushroom picking left early in the morning to get the most of them.

"I was accepted into college" Andrew said, with a clear note of enthusiasm in his voice."

"Really? Wow!"

Demi hugged him, but she didn't have any doubts about it: her friend had always had great marks even in high school. As far as he was concerned, Andrew had always wanted to become a lawyer without changing his mind for even a minute, following a childhood dream he hoped would become a reality.

"I can't wait to start!"

"I can only imagine that. Who knows what I'll do in high school."

She lived her days one by one, and never dared to think about what would have happened as they passed, let alone prepare for the distant future. If someone had asked her where she saw herself in a year, she wouldn't have known what to say. Despite that though, she was sure she didn't want to go to college: she wanted to sing, and she was sure about that. She was proud of Andrew, because he had clear ideas in his mind about what to do in the future. It must have been a great sensation.

"You have time, you'll figure that out" was his answer to her comment.

"I hope so." The girl sighed, and that's when Andrew knew something was off.

"Can we sit?" she asked him.

"Sure, but are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm just tired."

He doubted it was just that, but he didn't say anything.

They came across a gentle stream and stood on the little bridge listening to the water running, a sound that helped them relax.

"Watch out!"

Demetria wasn't quick enough to warn Andrew who, moving, slipped from the bridge, but luckily not on the water's side, since there was a wall acting as protection.

The boy got scared, placed his foot wrong but fortunately didn't get hurt, and rushed to reassure Demi, who looked at him worriedly.

They sat on a big rock near there, and for a few minutes, none of them talked. It was nice to just be like that. Silent, listening to the wind blowing through the trees, mixing with the louder, yet sweet sound of running water. Air and water. Two elements that fused themselves together in perfect harmony, seemingly talking and telling each others things the two youngsters couldn't understand.

"It's so nice to be in peace" Demi said in an almost inaudible whisper, but Andrew heard her.

"Yes."

Somehow, looking at her, he imagined she meant a lot more through those words. She wasn't just referring to the fact that they were in the middle of nature. She had pronounced the word "peace" with more emphasis than she did the others, as if she yearned for it and that for the rest of the time there was some sort of storm inside her. He took her hand, then left it to put an arm around her in an instinctive gesture of protection. It was her who then stretched out her hand to grab his.

"You're freezing. Are you cold? Do you want a sweatshirt?"

"No, I brought it with me but I don't need it. The cold I feel isn't outside. It's _inside._ "

Andrew wouldn't have wanted to ask that question because he knew the girl would have got angry. It had happened before, and now it wouldn't have been any different. Despite that, something inside him told him it was his right to know.

"Demi, what's going on? You seem out of it. What's making you suffer so much?"

He suspected it wasn't just because she had problems with her body, or because she didn't accept herself for who she was.

She gulped. Sooner or later she would have had to talk to him about it, but there's some things you can't tell even the people you trust the most: and she wasn't ready, not yet. Maybe she wouldn't have been for years.

"I ... it's just that ..." she stammered, trying to look for the right words to help him understand. "School is starting again in a while, and the whole thing doesn't thrill me. Sure, no one's happy to be back, but I'm scared. I feel bad there.”

Andrew couldn't understand if he was right or wrong, but he imagined that Demi's classmates didn't really put her at ease. Who knew, they probably excluded her, isolated her, or worse.

" _I'm scared._ "

Was she a bullying victim? He wasn't sure of it, but he had this kind of intuition. Demi would have wanted to speak, just say something, but she couldn't. It was so hard! Since using her voice like that felt virtually impossible to her, she chose to sing. She opened her mouth and words seemed to come out on their own, almost as if she wasn't thinking.

“ _I wanna scream_

_It makes me feel alive_

_Is it enough to love?_

_Is it enough to breathe?_

_Somebody rip my heart out_

_And leave me here to bleed_

_Is it enough to die?_

_Somebody save my life_ ”

She had started singing from the end and had stopped before the refrain, and there was a reason for that. Andrew had listened to it closely but he was surprised because she hadn't sung the full version. But then he stopped to think. There was _something_ in the way the girl was expressing herself that ensnared him right away. Yes, it was a great song, but it wasn't just that. Demi had put particular passion in every single note, a kind of strength in her voice that he had never heard before, all of this linked to the aura of sadness that seemed to surround her had provoked such a strong emotion he got goosebumps. He trembled.

"Is it about you?" he asked her.

She only nodded.

The last verse had hit him more than the others.

" _Somebody save my life_ "

It was a cry for help. Sure, Demi actually self harmed, and she had told many times how she pictured her funeral, and how she couldn't explain why, at just seven years old, she had such obscure thoughts. Despite that, she _didn't_ want to die. The last verse of that song had told him clearly. The one where she begged for someone to save her life. Her own eyes told him, sad but with a gleam of hope in their depths. She needed nothing but a glance to know he could understand.

"How do you do that? How can you read my own soul like that?"

"I don't know ... maybe that's what best friends do."

They both smiled, even though Demi's smile was dull and joyless.

"Why don't you explain to me what's going on? I can try to help you!" he insisted.

She sighed, as one lone tear rolled down her face.

 _There._ Andrew told himself, He had made her cry on her birthday. He was an idiot! He knew that girl was really sensitive and he needed to go easy on her, and yet he hadn't been careful.

"It's not your fault if I'm crying" She told him, almost as if reading his mind. "It's _my_ fault. We're friends, I should be telling you everything but I can't. Not yet at least. About your doubts ... give me a minute, okay?" she asked him, trying to calm her ragged breath. She had to be calm, otherwhise nobody knew what could have happened. "Sometimes I get picked on, but it's not bad, really" she then said. "It's the usual things some jerks say to make you feel bad, but it doesn't happen often and it doesn't bother me that much."

She couldn't bear telling him she was a  bullying victim, that her classmates told her she was fat and ugly, that she was awful, a human piece of trash, a whore, a useless person, and so many other things she didn't want to remember. She hated lying to him and she felt like shit for that. There should be no secrets between friends. But if convincing Andrew to keep quiet about self harming was hard, convincing him to do the same about the bullying would have been even worse. She would have never had the nerve to tell anyone about it, not her family nor him. She was scared, she feared that if she did talk then bullies would have made her pay, that consequences would have been worse. Who knew, maybe the teacher and the Headmaster wouldn't have believed her, or nobody would have been punished, but sometimes she started thinking those were right to say such things.

"Are you sure that's _all_ of it? Or is there more?"

Her friend's tone was so sweet and reassuring! A part of Demi actually wanted to tell him everything, but a voice in her head just kept telling her she shouldn't have, otherwise she would have made a horrible mistake.

"No!" she exclaimed happily, trying to sound as convincing as possible. "I just said I was having trouble because sometimes people say mean things to me, but that's okay. You see, a few offenses here and there happen to the best of us, sooner or later." She talked to him some more, trying to sound believable. "What were you thinking?"

"That you were a bullying victim. That the situation was worse than this. You said you were scared. Listen, these aren't things you should be ashamed of. If there's a problem, please talk about it. I know it's hard, but please, don't bottle it up."

She laughed loudly.

"A bullying victim?" she repeated, pretending to be scandalized. "No! I'm not, luckily. It's not what you think, Andrew. If I said I was scared it's because I chose the wrong words, and I'm sorry. Calm down, you're making mountains out of molehills."

Andrew wanted to believe her with all his might. She was his friend, why should she lie to him? Despite that, she had hidden self harming from him for a year telling lies.

 _She might do that again_ a voice inside of him said.

No, it couldn't be. He was distraught, he didn't know what to believe and he felt like he was fighting a battle in which the soldiers were two parts of himself. Victims of bullying usually don't talk about it so easily. While talking, she should have at least trembled a little, be saddened by it or have a terrified look on her face, or in any case send some kind of signal, but she hadn't done that. On the contrary, she looked calm to him.

"If there really was something, you would tell me, right?"

"Of course!"

He wanted to trust her. He still had doubts, but he thought he was exaggerating. And when, the following year, Demi would eventually drop out of school and he would have found out he was right, he would have felt like a stupid moron for not having listened to that voice in his head, for having failed to understand that some can hide their problems really well, like she had already done with self harming. He wouldn't have found peace or rested for a long time. Anyway, he didn't have any reason to doubt her. She was a complex and tormented little girl, but knowing she didn't have anyone making her life a living Hell was a great relief for Andrew.

"Then why that song? You were asking for help, but why?"

"Because of self harming. It's not easy to live like that every single day."

"Why did you start _right_ from that point?"

"I often feel dead inside."

Hearing those words, Andrew felt his heart shatter in a million pieces. He would have asked her:

"Is it my fault? Can I do something for it to stop being like this?"

If they hadn't talked about it before, she would have said no, telling him she was blaming herself, like always.

"When I'm alone, screaming is the only way I can remind myself I'm alive. The same goes for pain, really, but sometimes I need to use my voice."

"Have you started hurting yourself every day?"

Demi couldn't take it anymore. She didn't worry about controlling her breathing, that came in short and ragged while her heart seemed to want to jump out of her chest. She was having a panic attack, or at least she thought so. The first time it had happened, a year before, Andrew had told her those words and described the symptoms, even if he wasn't such an expert. Despite everything, those attacks were so rare she didn't feel the need to talk about them to her parents or go to a doctor. Her head was spinning, and the same happened to the world around her, which seemed to never stop, and she was breathing with such effort she felt like dying.

"There's no air. I'm suffocating."

“There is, Demi, calm down. Ball up your fists and release them."

She did that multiple times. Generally, focusing on that seemed to help her. She took Andrew's hands and he squeezed them while she burst into a convulsive fit of crying.

"Shhh, it's okay Demi, I'm here. I promise everything will be fine, it'll go away, just like last time."

He placed one of her hands on his own chest, showing her how calmly she was breathing. He was anxious about her, but he didn't want to show that. He kept holding her hands and talking to her, knowing it was the only way to help her out, all the while not breaking eye contact.

"Yes" she murmured once she was calmer, then lowered her gaze out of shame. "Yes, I started self harming daily again."

"Don't be like that. You know I won't judge you. Look at me."

He lifted her head upwards with his finger to get her to raise tear-filled gaze.

When she started cutting herself she was alone with those voices in her head telling her it was the right thing to do, the only solution, and she listened to them as if they were real, reliable people who just wanted the best for her. In fact, after cutting and watching to blood trickle down her wrist, she actually always felt better. Sure, the physical pain was strong, and the same went for the fear of being caught, but she did everything in her power to hide it. She wore a lot of bracelets to hide the cuts, telling everyone she did it out of fashion, and long-sleeved shirts when the wounds were still open and she really didn't want to show her bandages. Anyway, she had managed to talk to Andrew a month before. When he saw her scars, some old and healed, others more recent, he had asked her, puzzled, the reason behind all those cuts, and she didn't feel like lying, so she told him, with eyes puffy from crying:

"I cut myself, Andrew." And, seeing his shocked expression, she had gone on. "Yes, I'm a fucking cutter. I know it's wrong, but I can't behave differently and I hate myself for that. I cut myself to feel better. Cutting is the only thing that helps me, at least a little.”

Straight after that she had started crying. He had held her in his arms, and she looked so little and fragile in that moment. He perfectly knew she wasn't, but was able to understand that her pain was so intense it was crushing her, so he had tried to put away all of the anxiety and suffering it gave him; and he did that to take care of her.

"Call me whenever you feel like doing that. The second you feel that urge, grab the phone or your mobile and call me, and I promise I'll _always_ answer" he had told her, almost pleading to her.

"Yes, I promise."

Thank God she had called him, sometimes when she still hadn't hurt herself, and he had ran home to her to keep her from thinking about it, and others where had got into the little girl's room finding her with her wrists slit and blood dripping to the floor. He couldn't recall the number of times he had disinfected and cured her, blowing on her wounds to ease her pain and wiping away tears caused by all that suffering. He didn't know how Demi did that, but she never complained about it. She should have screamed, but she gritted her teeth to keep herself from doing that, and if she did, she always made sure she was alone so that nobody could hear her. Once her wrists were cured, by herself or by her friend, she went to her room and lounged on the bed, crying against the pillow and biting into it so that her screaming was muffled by the fabric.

"I guess it must be hard for you to live knowing I hurt myself. God, I'm so sorry!"

She felt awful. The desire to cut herself was stronger than her, than her will, than her own judgement. It wasn't something she could stop doing in the blink of an eye. It was an addiction.

"Don't worry, that's fine. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me a while back.

Andrew didn't tell her about how often at night, he thought:

_How is she today? Did she hurt herself again?_

Anxiety was his faithful companion. He lived with the constant fear that a cut too deep could have put her in danger, that he could have lost her or that she could have died. But he had promised to stand by her side, and he would have done that.

Just by calling him through the worst of times, Demi had managed not to cut herself for a day, then two, then resisting a whole week without ever hurting herself. It was such an amazing milestone! Despite that, when that time period was over, she went back to the beginning.

"I don't know why I started doing it again" she admitted, and it was half a truth.

It was partially because of the terror the imminent new beginning of school provoked her, and partially true, she had absolutely no clue about it. Clearly she still wasn't fine, not enough to make it. In the end, she couldn't hope to solve that problem in just a month.

"Oh, Demetria!"

Andrew wrapped his arms around her neck and the two of them cried together, giving into their pain while also giving each other the kind of warmth that only true friends can give.

"I'm sure I won't do it today."

"Why?"

"It's my birthday, and even if I couldn't believe it, my mother's right: it is a special day. You decided to take me away for a while and I'm grateful for that. That's why it's so nice: we're spending it together.

"But we talked about bad things! It's not that we shouldn't have, it's that I hoped for you not to think about it, and yet I started the whole thing."

"Shhh, it doesn't matter" Demi murmured sweetly. "What matters to me now is being with you. What do we do now?"

They got up and started walking to get back to the car. Hours had gone by without them noticing, and now it was midday.

"Don't move." Andrew suddenly said.

"What's wrong?"

He pointed to a spot about an inch and a half from them. A tree was standing right there, and a squirrel was climbing down from a branch. He let out the strangest sound. It was somehow similar to the chirping of a bird, but way louder, and others responded to him. Demi and Andrew were stunned. They had never heard a squirrel before, and they never thought it was like that. Nice, with a musicality of its own. The little critter had brown fur. It looked so soft! To Demi, it was incredibly sweet, but she knew that if she had moved it would have run away, or, if she could have reached out and touched it, it would have bitten her, giving her who knew what. The animal sniffed the air to check if he was in danger or not, then got back to what it was doing. Once it found what looked like an acorn, he got back up on the tree and disappeared from view.

"Oh my God!" Demi squealed. "Did you see how cute it was?"

She started walking by Andrew's side, humming happily. It was nice to see her smiling and happy, _really_ happy. He mentally thanked that little squirrel, that without even knowing, had just done something wonderful.

"Yes, it really was! I had never seen one so close before."

"Me neither, and it was so cute! Also, it was nice to hear its little paws moving in the grass. Aww, it was so sweet!”

What could she do if she had a tender heart and it took nothing for her to melt like snow in the sun?

Before getting out of the woods they stopped to rest on a hill. They had walked their way back home almost without stopping, and they were tired. They lied in the shadow of a pine, and looked at the sky. The woods there weren't that thick, so it was easy to look at it, and there was even more light there. The sun warmed their feet. They got lost contemplating the blue sky above and observed different white clouds of different measures.

"That one looks like a puppy!" Demi exclaimed, pointing her finger at one.

It didn't look like that to Andrew, who hadn't even thought of the shape it might have had.

"I have a feeling it looks like a tree."

"No, it's a puppy, I tell you" the other one stubbornly retorted.

She sat up briefly and noticed that her friend had his hands on his eyes, as if to shield them from the light.

"Is the sun bothering you? It's not in our faces. Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all."   

"Then why do you keep your hands there?"

"I'm imagining the cloud shaped like a puppy. If I close my eyes I'll make it, so I'll be obliged to say you're right even if I'll have to use my imagination."

"Why do you say that? I might be wrong. And I won't be mad if you tell me."

"But if I tell you that's true, then you'll smile.”

And that was just what happened.

"There it is. _That's_ the smile I want to see."

It wasn't night and there weren't stars around, but he made a wish:

_Let Demi be happy and don't let that smile fade, please!_

He forwarded it to the sky and to God, hoping that one day it would come true.

They stayed there for a while, enjoying the fresh air and the smell of wet grass, squinting their eyes. They relaxed even more, letting go of the tension felt while talking about such delicate matters earlier in the day. They held each other quietly.

"You know I'll never leave you, right, Demi?"

"Me neither, but I wonder what you're doing with a little girl. You should be with people your own age, but you stick with me. Why?"

"You see, people my age actually seem stupid to me. They don't think of anything else than going out, getting girlfriends, having fun and making love. Of course, not all of them are like that, but the truth is I never really made friends at school. I only have acquaintaces I talk to, but nothing more. Maybe I'm a bit too pretentious, I don't know."

“I think you're really mature for your age. It's like you're already an adult. The others don't look at life the way you do, they take things lightly and without any depth, or if they do, they don't show that and follow the herd. You, you're positively different, and that's fine as it is."

"Do you think so?"

"I do."

No one had ever talked to him like that. Some people at school called him "weird" but other than that, nobody ever offended him or anything like that.

"Well, me too. I'm proud of how I am. Being near you probably made me mature more quickly, and I thank you for that. I understood things I didn't before, looked into matters I didn't think of years before.”

"Like what?"

"The fact that being famous doesn't always make you happy, or the fact that people can suffer at a young age more than others could think."

Demi smiled as she understood he was referring to her.

"Don't you feel alone having those acquaintances and only me as a friend?"

"Sometimes, I'll admit that."

He didn't like to go out at night and have fun. He was better off staying home and reading a book. He was actually capable of sitting there doing that up to eight hours straight, like Demi, who looked for an escape in it. Andrew simply adored immersing himself in the lives of people, even if they were just imaginary. It helped him feel better, it soothed his nerves and anxiety. Despite that, sometimes he envied the ones who went out with their friends. He had once joined a group of people who had gone to the disco - which was already a problem for him - and they made him drink a whole beer on an empty stomach. He feared they would have made fun of him even if it was just a joke, so he did that, and then he felt awful all night long. Ever since then, he never did something like that again. He had made up his mind, and decided that the best thing he could do was being himself. Every once in a while, though, he still liked to go to some basketball or football matches of people he was confortable with. He liked to cheer them on and watch them play.

"I'm sorry."

His friend's words brought him back to reality.

"Oh, don't worry about it. Talking and texting with the few people I know it's already something. Also, I have both you and Carlie, who's a friend other than a sister to me. You give me everything someone could ask for in a friend: love, trust and closeness at any given moment.

They held each other tight this time.

"Andrew" she moaned. "My back hurts."

She sat up and he stretched out, then muttered something incomprehensible and murmured:

"I think we fell asleep." 

"Right."

They both pulled their phones out of their backpacks. Just like they expected, they found countless missed calls and texts from their parents.

They called them and the adults were angry and worried. They explained they had fallen asleep and didn't hear their mobiles ring. They apologized a thousand times promising it would have never happened again, and in the end they were forgiven, while their parents asked them to get back home. Andrew took Demi's phone from her hands and said:

"I'm sorry, Dianna. Demi and I will go eat something, then we'll be back."

"You'd better be" The woman chuckled.

Putting their phones away, the two of them got up, brushed the dirt off their clothes and went back to the car. As they drove, the sky grew darker and darker, and menacing clouds filled it completely. When the two of them got out, rain was pouring, but instead of running to find shelter, they started playing in puddles. Cars came by every now and then, and they ran away, only to go back to playing mere minutes later. They challenged each other to see who could jump in the biggest one, drenching their feet in mud and water since they were only wearing sandals. People passing by shot them dirty looks, but they didn't mind in the slightest. Demi was a little girl and Andrew a man, but their eyes harbored a sparkle only kids could have, they who only think about playing and blissfully ignoring the fact that they should shelter from the rain or didn't care about getting dirty. They just let themselves go, having fun and laughing like lunatics.

Both drenched in water, they got to a bar where the owner, thinking they had run to get there and didn't have any umbrellas, was kind enough to lend them towels so they could at least try to straighten their looks and be somewhat presentable. Once they got out of the bathroom, they both ordered a sausage sandwich and a piece of chocolate cake. The girl didn't even think about how she would have put on weight, how ugly she was, that she shouldn't have been eating all that stuff full of calories, or that she would have fled to the bathroom to throw up. Strangely enough, that day was different. She ate willingly, tasting the food like she hadn't ever done before. God, it was so good!

"I had fun today. Thanks for everything, Andrew."

"Don't mention that, it was a pleasure. And anyway, it's not over yet. You're forgetting about the party your parents are throwing you tonight. My parents and I will be there."

"What? They asked me how I wanted to spend the day. I had no idea."

"Eddie called us to invite us over the other day. Maybe they wanted to surprise you. Oops."

He blushed because of the embarassment and the fact he had made a fool of himself.

"Don't apologize" she said, cutting him short. "I don't mind that you told me, in fact, it makes me happy.”

Now Demi wasn't so uptight about celebrating, or having a birthday at all. In the end, that hadn't been a day like any other, as instead she would have thought. She and Andrew had talked about sad things, but they had also spent time outside, picked mushrooms, strawberries and blackberries, listened to the sounds of the woods, saw a squirrel and played around in the rain, while she was now beginning to eat without problems. She knew the next day wouldn't have been like that, that her problems wouldn't have just vanished, but for now, she didn't want to think about it.

"So, again, happy birthday!" Andrew exclaimed, raising his glass of cola.

"Thank you! Now I can finally say it: I'm fine with celebrating birthdays."

**Author's Note:**

> credits:  
> Avril Lavigne, Anything But Ordinary
> 
>  
> 
> Notes:   
> 1\. I did a lot of research on anorexia. I know it isn't just about having problems with your own body, but that it starts from your mind, so I hope I talked about it with the required sensitivity, and the same goes for topics like self harming and bullying.  
> 2\. I've been suffering from panic attacks for years. Everyone feels them differently, and I reported what happens to me. If some of you are subject to them, I'm sorry, but know I understand you.  
> 3\. I was once really close to a squirrel. I was in Spain. It was beautiful! An experience I'll never forget!  
> 4\. Who is or was a bullying victim like myself knows the suffering a person tends to hide from the ones she loves, saying bullies are right. They are the ones who trigger such a mechanism, making the victim feel even more subdued, that's why Demi behaves like that. The fact that Andrew ends up believing her isn't as dumb as it might seem: deep down, people who are good at hiding their problems can get away with it once or twice, or even more, so they fool the ones who want to help them. That is exactly what I did, and now I regret that because, sooner or later, bottling things up exasperates you, believe me. Don't make my same mistake. Don't be scared. If there's someone among you subject to this horrible phenomenon, know I'm spiritually near you, and near the ones who got through it. Such things can actually scar you for life, but what's important is talking about them. Even if it's hard, and you think you don't have it in you, you have to find the strength to talk to someone you trust. And we all have that. Maybe we don't see it because it's hidden, but it's out there. Family, friends, Headmasters, teachers are there for you, to help you and listen to you. And, even if they didn't do anything when I talked, I hope it isn't your case, because no one should have to live or go through such Hell.


End file.
